We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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