okay pat passed out under dana's car
my phone needs a breathalizer
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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