Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
