so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
