I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
