i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
