i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
