she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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