She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize