she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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