So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
