i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i barfeds in our rink
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
