the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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