Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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