somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Less talking, more tequila
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
