just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
