she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You may now shotgun with the bride
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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