were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
