I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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