The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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