ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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