When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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