There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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