i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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