Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
