Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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