I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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