So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
