Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
