If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
