My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
i'm really worried about him.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail