Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
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stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip