There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
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So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.