Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
