Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
