Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
