weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sex in a hospital.. check
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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