just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
