well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
