Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
