so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
