3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
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Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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