i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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