do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
kristin has been a bad kristin
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
