Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
