I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
