Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
did i walk over a car last night?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
