ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
