Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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