I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
