I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
