I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
