I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
