She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
