I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize