I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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