My room smells like vodka and shame
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
