Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
